What happened!?!

July 16, 1946 – June 21, 2023

This new day without your soul on my earthly plane feels incredibly strange.

I took out all the photos, I have of you, 

Holding, me as a baby.

Watching me, from behind as I played.

Helping me, learn to walk in Washington Square park.

Also one of 

You 31yr , Xochtle 3 mo old & I 9.5 yr 

the 3 of us look so innocent in this photo

It was the last glance of normal in all our lives 

September of 1978

Then everything went LEFT!

I am crying, trying to think,

What happened !?!

I have this photo of you 

looking over your beautifully tan shoulder at the camera

your olive green eyes with gold specks, 

looking straight through the camera lens, 

and into my soul.

I thought of you in this moment and how much

 you love Reggae music and Bob Marley. 

I put on Bob Marley Greatest Hit!

Took this photo of you and went out on my 

balcony with early morning sun, holding the 

photo, YOU, tight to my chest dancing and crying

Remembering, before the chaos started.

So much damage was done to so, so, many people.

What happened!?!

Thinking. . . . .  After almost 4 decades 

“The Chaos” stops

What is left in the aftermath is.. is ..is …(don’t have a word of it)

But my old mommie the one before the chaos 

is back, damaged but mentally ok and still funny.

I am so grateful to have had these past few years

talking to you

seeing you (with technology).

Laughing, listening to your crazy stories and your matter of fact way, of speaking.

Also arguing with you, hanging up the phone in each others faces,… hahahaha

I loved the way we never talked about the time of 

“The Chaos”

We know the unconditional love we have between all of us

Everyone was damaged during that time, no one came out untouched.

I am so glad that I took a week off work

to see you 

and spend time with you

it was wonderful.

Your humor is hysterical

and your wit is so quick.

I was extreme sad that “The Chaos” destroyed your body.

But you actually found a way to make humor about is.

Saying your body is a scientific phenomenon.

In fact, thinking . . . . of what you did to yourself, during the chaos, you are right.

I can’t even begin to count how many times you were hit by a car during the chaos, I don’t have enough fingers and toes. 

Toes you chopped off 2!

Who knows what you ate, you were just always starving.

I don’t think you ever got sick.

You never had any diseases or infections (unless from spider bites) 

But 1 GREAT thing came out of 

“The Chaos”

Your body of work, 

your hundred’s and thousand’s 

of paintings. 

You are the most amazing artist

EVER

for me.

You are a raw, unbridled, authentic artist

without rules.

Your art is your truth 

You made a footprint on this world.

In my own healing process 

I understood that during the chaos time 

you were extremely  deep in your passion.

One could say, that is selfish when you have children

But who makes the rules of what is considered selfish or not?

When you are a parent 

The unconditional love is already there, so you will either

teach this human you made by:

Being completely

Selfless or Selfish or  a bit of Both.

There is no right or wrong answer here.

Being a parent,

 I can say we actually do the best we can

especially when your decisions come from a place of love 

and also to keep in mind

That a parent is also on their human journey.

Just like the human they created.

Every parent has their own way of doing it 

that makes sense to them. 

I am grateful I understood this while you were still here.

I also thank you for being selfish and 

letting me figure out a lot of 

life on my own. 

Because I feel I can confront almost anything.

I am so glad I listened 

when my phone rang 

while I was with a client,

and something said

Answer the phone !

A video chat

I got to see you

 and tell you I love you

 and you me

You even waved at my client

we blew each other 2 kisses each

and I said 

“I will call you in a bit.”

Your loving daughter Issa

Neith Nevelson

true artist

July 16, 1946 – June 21, 2023