This Launched my mind into deep Thought

This is something I read and wanted to share:

Our Quest to Build the Ideal Self

When we begin our spiritual journeys  of inner growth, we discover many things about ourselves, other people and the world.

We uncover the lies we tell ourselves and others, the lies the world tells us, we work on exploring our personalities, we work on improving our personalities, we heal our wounds, we try to make peace with ourselves, we try to make amends with others … and many more things that go hand-in-hand with the cultivation of self-awareness, self-discovery, self-understanding and self-transformation. These are all very useful practices.

Eventually, we develop a pretty good understanding of ourselves – of our flaws and strengths, of our core wounds and shadow elements and of our true dreams and gifts. We nourish our bodies, change our diets, create healthy personal boundaries, cut away toxic habits, say goodbye to destructive people, build new friendships and relationships, and eventually develop love and respect for who we think we are. This is all imperative.

And yet … we always feel as though something is missing in our lives.

We still work to pursue creating an “ideal self,” that always feels happy, that never suffers and that is constantly at peace. We still work to build and enhance our identities, whether through identifying as vegans, as yogis, as empaths, as intuitives, as Buddhists, as healers, as spiritual students or teachers, as Old Souls, as shamans, as eco warriors, and as any of the other hundreds of identity labels we love to collect and embody.

And yet … we are never happy. We always seek more – we always seek to “be” more. Our quest is never-ending. We think that we can “defeat” the mind by using the mind … but have you ever questioned the validity of this? Have you ever asked yourself the following question:

“Will I ever be enough?”

Will You Really Ever “Be Enough”?

The question may seem absurd: “Of course I am enough!” you might think as I once did. “I am a smart, attractive, intelligent, kind and loving person – of course I am enough!”

Yes, yes you are. And to achieve this kind of self-respect is an important part of the growth process away from self-hatred to self-love.

But there comes a time after you have cultivated self-love and self-respect where you come to realize something miraculous:

You will never be enough because who you “think” you are is not truly “who” you are.

All of the memories, all of the beliefs, all of the associations, all of the spiritual and worldly labels, all of the tastes, all of the traumas, all of the loves and hates, all of the insecurities and strengths, they are not truly “who” you are.

And no matter how highly you regard yourself, no matter how popular, liked, celebrated, or lovable you are – your identity remains as a burden; a barrier that prevents you from the purest self-realization which is that you are an expression of Oneness. Your true nature has no name, no form, no identity, no limits. You are everything and nothing at the same time.

https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2023/11/05/your-daily-word-prompt-Launch-ydwordprompt-November-5-2023/

Do I really love myself?

Why is self acceptance and self love so hard for us humans? 

Why do we love ourselves more if another human finds us worthy? 

Why do we punish ourselves by eating food not good for us and drinking alcohol that is

poison for our bodies?

Why can’t we give the love to ourselves, that we think others should

give to us?

Why do we lie to ourselves?

Why aren’t we devoted to ourselves?

We should be.

Issa

Slap the person

Is it possible to be grateful and feel lost all at the same time? I am a grateful human but It is so strange that during a day I lose myself many times. I find myself wondering, what was I doing? Where am I? What am I doing here? I do end up finding myself after a few minutes but the confusion is strange.

I realize that when we humans lose someone very close to us we have a few ways to deal with the loss.

We throw ourselves into our work and not think about it, but the outcome later is. The feelings we purposely avoided comes out when we least expect it and this can be very embarrassing at times if we are not alone.

Or, we want to deal with our loss, but have a family that demands our attention and this distracts us from dealing with our loss. (Result) Same as above.

We also can take what time we can find and be alone and mourn for our loss by either crying, feeling anger, feeling guilt, processing all events in our mind, remembering moments or actually feeling the void in its fullness. We can’t know how much time this will take, every loss is different from another. Our feelings are at different depths for everyone. Also each one of us are exceptionally different humans in our way to process.

Someone said to me the other day. “I am sorry for your loss, but we all will lose our parents in our lifetime.”

My first reaction was to slap the person (which I did quietly in my mind), but the fact is true. I remember my grandmother telling me, “Issa, all the family I grew up with is dead. All my friends of my youth are gone, yes I have young friends but I don’t understand them when they talk, the world is so different.”

So, yes I have many more losses to come, so I better stock up on bandages, gauze and antiseptic to be ready to stitch & repair my heart over and over again before it is my time to transcend.

Issa summer 2023

JOY

I feel much Joy for my

Life

Joy that I have healthy mind & body.

For my Instinct/Guardians

People placed in 

my life

and removed.

I feel Joy for lessons learned 

through feeling

Excitement 

Disappointment

Love 

Hate

Acceptance

Loss 

Ecstasy 

Abandonment

Happiness

Shattered

Mystery

Healing

Anger 

Utter Joy 

I feel so Blessed to

Be who I am 

Today

Thank YOU

Neith Mommie

What happened!?!

July 16, 1946 – June 21, 2023

This new day without your soul on my earthly plane feels incredibly strange.

I took out all the photos, I have of you, 

Holding, me as a baby.

Watching me, from behind as I played.

Helping me, learn to walk in Washington Square park.

Also one of 

You 31yr , Xochtle 3 mo old & I 9.5 yr 

the 3 of us look so innocent in this photo

It was the last glance of normal in all our lives 

September of 1978

Then everything went LEFT!

I am crying, trying to think,

What happened !?!

I have this photo of you 

looking over your beautifully tan shoulder at the camera

your olive green eyes with gold specks, 

looking straight through the camera lens, 

and into my soul.

I thought of you in this moment and how much

 you love Reggae music and Bob Marley. 

I put on Bob Marley Greatest Hit!

Took this photo of you and went out on my 

balcony with early morning sun, holding the 

photo, YOU, tight to my chest dancing and crying

Remembering, before the chaos started.

So much damage was done to so, so, many people.

What happened!?!

Thinking. . . . .  After almost 4 decades 

“The Chaos” stops

What is left in the aftermath is.. is ..is …(don’t have a word of it)

But my old mommie the one before the chaos 

is back, damaged but mentally ok and still funny.

I am so grateful to have had these past few years

talking to you

seeing you (with technology).

Laughing, listening to your crazy stories and your matter of fact way, of speaking.

Also arguing with you, hanging up the phone in each others faces,… hahahaha

I loved the way we never talked about the time of 

“The Chaos”

We know the unconditional love we have between all of us

Everyone was damaged during that time, no one came out untouched.

I am so glad that I took a week off work

to see you 

and spend time with you

it was wonderful.

Your humor is hysterical

and your wit is so quick.

I was extreme sad that “The Chaos” destroyed your body.

But you actually found a way to make humor about is.

Saying your body is a scientific phenomenon.

In fact, thinking . . . . of what you did to yourself, during the chaos, you are right.

I can’t even begin to count how many times you were hit by a car during the chaos, I don’t have enough fingers and toes. 

Toes you chopped off 2!

Who knows what you ate, you were just always starving.

I don’t think you ever got sick.

You never had any diseases or infections (unless from spider bites) 

But 1 GREAT thing came out of 

“The Chaos”

Your body of work, 

your hundred’s and thousand’s 

of paintings. 

You are the most amazing artist

EVER

for me.

You are a raw, unbridled, authentic artist

without rules.

Your art is your truth 

You made a footprint on this world.

In my own healing process 

I understood that during the chaos time 

you were extremely  deep in your passion.

One could say, that is selfish when you have children

But who makes the rules of what is considered selfish or not?

When you are a parent 

The unconditional love is already there, so you will either

teach this human you made by:

Being completely

Selfless or Selfish or  a bit of Both.

There is no right or wrong answer here.

Being a parent,

 I can say we actually do the best we can

especially when your decisions come from a place of love 

and also to keep in mind

That a parent is also on their human journey.

Just like the human they created.

Every parent has their own way of doing it 

that makes sense to them. 

I am grateful I understood this while you were still here.

I also thank you for being selfish and 

letting me figure out a lot of 

life on my own. 

Because I feel I can confront almost anything.

I am so glad I listened 

when my phone rang 

while I was with a client,

and something said

Answer the phone !

A video chat

I got to see you

 and tell you I love you

 and you me

You even waved at my client

we blew each other 2 kisses each

and I said 

“I will call you in a bit.”

Your loving daughter Issa

Neith Nevelson

true artist

July 16, 1946 – June 21, 2023