Is it possible to be grateful and feel lost all at the same time? I am a grateful human but It is so strange that during a day I lose myself many times. I find myself wondering, what was I doing? Where am I? What am I doing here? I do end up finding myself after a few minutes but the confusion is strange.

I realize that when we humans lose someone very close to us we have a few ways to deal with the loss.

We throw ourselves into our work and not think about it, but the outcome later is. The feelings we purposely avoided comes out when we least expect it and this can be very embarrassing at times if we are not alone.

Or, we want to deal with our loss, but have a family that demands our attention and this distracts us from dealing with our loss. (Result) Same as above.

We also can take what time we can find and be alone and mourn for our loss by either crying, feeling anger, feeling guilt, processing all events in our mind, remembering moments or actually feeling the void in its fullness. We can’t know how much time this will take, every loss is different from another. Our feelings are at different depths for everyone. Also each one of us are exceptionally different humans in our way to process.

Someone said to me the other day. “I am sorry for your loss, but we all will lose our parents in our lifetime.”

My first reaction was to slap the person (which I did quietly in my mind), but the fact is true. I remember my grandmother telling me, “Issa, all the family I grew up with is dead. All my friends of my youth are gone, yes I have young friends but I don’t understand them when they talk, the world is so different.”

So, yes I have many more losses to come, so I better stock up on bandages, gauze and antiseptic to be ready to stitch & repair my heart over and over again before it is my time to transcend.

Issa summer 2023