Delusion…. belief in something that is simply not true.

March 5, 2017March 31, 2025issabrainmonkeybrain 7 Comments

scarlett-cheerleader

The cheerleader (pom pom’s and all) in my brain won’t shut up!!!

“ D… E L…. U S …I O N ….. Delusion, Delusion you live in a Delusion”.

I unfortunately live in a life, of delusion.

I am constantly deluding myself, that I am part of a family where in reality. I am only a guest here.

I delude myself that I am safe, when in reality I am far from safe.
I realize, that the life I live is only want “I” want to see, and this can be taken from me anytime.
Yesterday my rose colored sunglasses were snatched off!!!
………………………..
I feel myself going into panic mode right now, trying to make myself feel safe.
I have too much stuff and material things around and cannot escape without a trace. How did this happen to me, I have always lived the life of a minimalist. And now I have so much stuff and material things that are not my own.
I inherited them from my grandmother who was the keeper of the family heirlooms, don’t get me wrong I am honored that it was all entrusted into my hands … BUT… right now I am feeling trapped.
I can’t run!
I don’t have a home of my own for all these keepsakes.
I was fine when I was in my “Delusion” that I was living in my husbands home and part of a family. But reality hit me hard yesterday,

The cheerleader in my brain won’t shut up!!!

“ D… E L…. U S …I O N ….. Delusion, Delusion you live in a Delusion”.

She just won’t shut up!!!!

and I just want to cry

-Issa UGH!

Hakiu…desire

March 3, 2017March 3, 2017issabrainmonkeybrain 1 Comment

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strength in desire

the sun shines with desire

melt with desire

by Issa

via Daily Prompt: Desire

Rhowen, my child

March 1, 2017March 3, 2017issabrainmonkeybrain 4 Comments

Rho & Issa 2/8/09

You will never be my flower,
because a flower
is the finished product,
only seeds
come from a flower
after it withers
and dies.
Rhowen you are the
ROOTS & BARK
of my magic tree
that will produce many flowers
and plant many seeds.
I named you accordingly
you are My
RhowenTree.
I love you.

Written by Issa for Rhowen

The Quickening

February 28, 2017February 28, 2017issabrainmonkeybrain 6 Comments

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It comes so fast that even if
you want to stop it……
you can’t…
It is a rush, that hurts…
no control….. no control….
I try to hold back the tears…..
I try to keep that hard lump
from forming in the pit of my throat….
Swallowing is so hard, it hurts…..
My eyes, my eyes
are stinging, swollen and HOT!
….Daumm….
Why is this happening to me?
I know the rebirth is coming,
but to get there is so hard. …
Will I make it, will I?…
Please, please
don’t let me give in…
I don’t want to go through this again
from the beginning.
Suck it up girl
open your arms
spread your wings
and take the pain, like
The Angel
The Woman
The Queen
that you are.
Feel the fire inside
feel it slicing through you

feel the heat of your passion
sealing the wound shut,
as quick as it cuts.
It is just another wound
battle scar
that you can call your own.
You felt it
you endured it
you have earned it
fair and square.

Don’t be afraid to let it show.
Own it, it is your
Quickening.
Be proud
of your scars
and own them.
They make you
who you are.

Written by Issa

Painting by Neith Nevelson

Quicken