What is your expectation?

Personally, Valentine’s Day, is strange. There are so many expectations,on one hand there is love, flowers, chocolates, dinners and togetherness.
On the other hand there is fights, loneliness, waisted money and disappointments. The expectations on this day are high, and I find it has become so commercial.
At one time in my life I worked in a flower shop. This was the most dreaded holiday of the year because our work began two weeks early, ending with 10 to 14 hour days just to prepare for this one day.
Though I am in a loving relationship I prefer not to celebrate it at all.

Until one day I read somewhere a beautiful thing.

That in Slovenia, Saint Valentine is the patron saint of beekeepers, pilgrims and good health. Valentine’s Day, is the time to celebrate the beginning of field work, plants, flowers and “the overall growth” of all living things. Though it is in February, Saint Valentine marks the beginning of Spring.

That left me with a beautiful expectation of Saint Valentines Day.

written by Issa

Expectation

Sunset Sibilini Mountains Italy.

Lukewarm glow, goodnight.
Golden perception is lost.
Keep me with your warmth.

Photo & Haiku by Issa

Lukewarm

Mixed feelings, inside
have aroused my awareness
to what may be going on.

hummm….?

Hair is brittle, skin is dry
brain is in a fog.
Slogging through my day
wanting to be a sloth.
No appetite for food or drink,
little appetite for life.

Now take a pill, now all is clear
everything seems fine.

I am now aware, the fog has gone
and once again, my brain is mine.

hummm?

Poem by Issa

Painting by Neith Nevelson (my mother)

Aware

Looking in their window

It looks so beautiful and perfect, that a touch of envy creeps into places of my being that I don’t want there.
Guilt also accompanies it, with saddening thoughts of my own life.

Wow they have the perfect home, adventurous life,
Great couple who are also best friends and no financial problems.
But what I don’t know about them is that
they are perfect strangers, because after half a decade of marriage,
they changed. They both grew in different directions.

He grew left and she grew right.
Perhaps they did not have “all” the important talks,
to make sure they wanted the same things for their future together
or maybe they did and were not honest with themselves
so, definitely not with each other. Many little things began chipping away
at their house years ago and they did not notice,
being the couple who traveled and laughed and always looked
lovingly into each others eyes.

But what were they actually seeing? Did she see unconditional love
and safety for the rest of her life
when she took her vows? Did he see unconditional love
and safety when he took his vows?
The answer is yes they did, but they did not know
what it meant.

So now as I look into the windows of someone else house
I don’t have envy, guilt and I am not sadden of the thoughts of my own life, I just feel relieved.

Written by Issa

You ever find your life, spinning out of control?
You ever find yourself, disappointed in yourself?
When alone, have you ever thought, “This is not what my life ,is supposed to be like”!
You ever thought, “what am I doing ???”

Well, in my years on this earth, all theses questions and more have crossed my mind. I have been in situations in Life that I did not see a way out of… I have been so lost that …dark thoughts creeped in……
But, you never know what ,Life has in store for you.
Remember you only know what you have experienced, so if your are a controlling person like me, it is harder work for you, to Let go and Let Live….

Those who know me personally, know what I have have always said….
“ Life, is the greatest game, you will ever play, you just have to get thru it the best way you can without quitting, to win!”

Being as controlling as I am, I would have never imagined my life as it is now, where I am living and how ….  It goes to show, how Powerful, Prayer and True thought really is…..  I say prayer because, for me prayer is manifestation. This is something I learned, when I was very young and needed protection, I would pray or would have repeated thoughts in my mind.

Over and over again, chanting the same words till it came into existence……

I really can’t tell you who is truly listening to us, but I know it is always a higher conscience of love.  As hard as it may seem at the moment, you must persevere ahead. Like an extreme task, that at the end, the reward you reap, will be unimaginable.
I know it’s hard.  I could never have thought of this life I have now 10 years ago.

It could never have been fathomed.

We all have our place on this earth, I have been fortunate to have found mine for the time being, yes I did say for the time being, cause we never know.
I feel The Mother Earth is our home, as we are a Race of Humans. It is our job to Meet, Travel, See, try to Understand, as many Human Beings as possible, before our transition from this plane we live in.

I Manifested\Prayed\Meditated on the world I see and live right now. This does not mean, I have to stop working on myself because, “I feel”, I have gotten to a Peaceful and Comfortable place in my life. Because as I said before….

The Game\Life….is still in play.

Written by Issa