Author issabrainmonkeybrain

Things we Grow up Hearing as Children

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There once was a little girl, who had a little curl, right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good, she was very very good, but when she was bad she was horrid.

Little children should be seen but not heard.

 Ruminating, on these words I heard constantly as a child, as a child I thought that I was unlucky. I always got into trouble it seemed. But adults that knew me as a child say I was a good kid. Though I do know, I have a little mischievous  side to me, but  I got caught all the time…hahha…these phrases escaped my lips in growing my own daughter.

I would be curious what phrases you grew up hearing.

Issa

Ruminate

Disbelief….

issabrainmonkeybrain 4 Comments

What has kept me sane, all my life, are my Strong High Walls! Perhaps that is why I love the region of Italy where I live, its full of medieval villages and castles. With strong walls that have protected the old village within for centuries.

I have been a Medieval Castle all my life with my wondrous world within my walls, that has kept me sane. I felt that I could let my drawbridge down and stake a stroll in the woods near by without locking up. My neighbor with whom we have always been friendly but have different views on life said they would keep an eye out from their watch tower……..Boy, I was wrong.

I had no idea of the envy my neighbor hid from me all these years. They have been patiently waiting, with smiles and flags of peace towards me all these years, just for this precise moment.

“Ha, she has lowered her drawbridge and has trusted me to watch over her castle.”
I got back with flowers and berries I picked to share with my sweet neighbor……..and was left in total Loss & Shock.

They strolled across my drawbridge while I was out, and did a ClockWorkOrange within my walls.

-Issa

Delusion…. belief in something that is simply not true.

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scarlett-cheerleader

The cheerleader (pom pom’s and all) in my brain won’t shut up!!!

“ D… E L…. U S …I O N ….. Delusion, Delusion you live in a Delusion”.

I unfortunately live in a life, of delusion.

I am constantly deluding myself, that I am part of a family where in reality. I am only a guest here.

I delude myself that I am safe, when in reality I am far from safe.
I realize, that the life I live is only want “I” want to see, and this can be taken from me anytime.
Yesterday my rose colored sunglasses were snatched off!!!
………………………..
I feel myself going into panic mode right now, trying to make myself feel safe.
I have too much stuff and material things around and cannot escape without a trace. How did this happen to me, I have always lived the life of a minimalist. And now I have so much stuff and material things that are not my own.
I inherited them from my grandmother who was the keeper of the family heirlooms, don’t get me wrong I am honored that it was all entrusted into my hands … BUT… right now I am feeling trapped.
I can’t run!
I don’t have a home of my own for all these keepsakes.
I was fine when I was in my “Delusion” that I was living in my husbands home and part of a family. But reality hit me hard yesterday,

The cheerleader in my brain won’t shut up!!!

“ D… E L…. U S …I O N ….. Delusion, Delusion you live in a Delusion”.

She just won’t shut up!!!!

and I just want to cry

-Issa UGH!

Rhowen, my child

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Rho & Issa 2/8/09

You will never be my flower,
because a flower
is the finished product,
only seeds
come from a flower
after it withers
and dies.
Rhowen you are the
ROOTS & BARK
of my magic tree
that will produce many flowers
and plant many seeds.
I named you accordingly
you are My
RhowenTree.
I love you.

Written by Issa for Rhowen